The Importance of Deep Affection

If affection does not go deep into psychological states such as peace, understanding, acceptance, sharing, support, forgiveness, responsibility, it will soon become a boring thing.

When we love something and are determined to possess it without being able to wait or ignore the cost, we are being controlled by our emotions. Since the strengths of the other object reflect our needs or preferences, our minds are constantly reproducing these wonderful images on the surface of our consciousness. In addition, it magnifies many times to enhance the level of satisfaction. While we love and let our emotions interfere too much, our view of the object is no longer accurate. The same is true in cases where we are angry or hateful, as the adage goes: "Love each other is round, hate each other fruit is also distorted." Although we don't actively weave images, we don't even know our minds are weaving, but once we have an idea of love and possession, our mental mechanisms automatically try to magnify the data we have stored.

The more we love it, the more we can't see the flaws of the subject. If so, then we don't think it's important and even find it adorable. In general, because we want the object to belong to us, to be a part of our lives, everything related to that object we love. But the essence of emotion is only a temporary source of energy to express love or hate, so sometimes it climaxes and sometimes it goes down. This means that emotions, good or bad, will be saturated. It will return to a normal state, so it is also called "emotional normalization". The more we love passionately, the faster our emotions will be saturated. At that time, we will be so startled that we do not believe our eyes, because suddenly we see that this person is not as wonderful as before. The longer they live, the more flaws they reveal that we may not be able to accept. It is often said that two years after marriage, each other's "true faces" will automatically be revealed. It may be that the other person no longer has the strength to continue performing or trying, because their need for satisfaction has peaked. Another important reason is that our passion has also subsided so we have a better sense of the subject.

Once we are affected by the other person's shortcomings, causing bad feelings in us to arise, it will easily become a wall of separation. It makes it impossible to come to them as naturally as before. There is reticence and a hint of contempt. If the wall is so big that emotions cannot return to the level of enjoyment, boredom is inevitable. Although the object remains endearingly intact, because our favorite emotions are saturated or automatically skyrocket beyond the object's response, we still fall into a state of boredom.

From boredom to betrayal is a very short distance, if the relationship does not promote a sense of responsibility to bind. We see that most marriages break down for very good reasons. But there is a very profound thing that few people can easily say, and that is because one side can no longer meet the level of emotional satisfaction for the other. It's a "marital accident." Because no one could have predicted how quickly boredom would take the place of burning love. So let's be wary of "love wholeheartedly." That warmth is often just a disguise of selfish gratification, so the more we try to sublimate our emotions, the closer we get to boredom. Let's not forget, the level of emotional satisfaction is infinite, and the ability to serve emotions is always limited.

Even with food, clothing, vehicles, entertainment, or ordinary items that we constantly change our favorite "tastes", it shows that our emotional energy is very strong. It very often interferes with our attitude to life. Be careful and try to stay away, as emotions easily overtake experiences and insights. Therefore, after emotional storms, we always regret our reactions and actions. Emotions of the shallow type are usually expressed through seeing eyes, ears, nose sniffing, tasting tongue, body touch, imaginary ideas. Because when those senses come into contact with the object, we often have the habit of expressing our likes or dislikes immediately. Some people react very sensitively to images, others are strongly shaken by sound. Advertisers rely on this point to exploit customer emotions. Because when attractive images and sounds constantly hit the eyes and ears, it automatically remembers in the brain. At some point, it will form sudden favorite reactions and at all costs take over the object.

It is often said that men "love with their eyes" and women "love with their ears". This means that the emotional mechanism of men is usually concentrated in the visual part, while the emotional mechanism of women is usually concentrated in the auditory part. In fact, men always attach importance to the beauty of their favorite object; Women, on the other hand, love to hear praise, praise, and even "winged" words of coaxing. But the function of the ear is often larger than the function of the eye, since the eye is always limited by space. Therefore, "love with the ear" is often deeper and more consequential than "love with the eyes". This is understandable. Words both express understanding, energy and emotions, which have an advantage over the monotonous appeal of the body. But whether "love with your eyes" or "love with your ears" are the kinds of feelings that are built on a foundation of shallow emotions. It will be easy to change when it no longer provides such images and sounds, or when it receives other, more attractive images and sounds. Affection if it does not go deep into psychological states such as peace, understanding, acceptance, sharing, support, forgiveness, responsibility... then it will soon become a boring thing.

People who live by professions that show high levels of emotion, or celebrities who are admired by a large number of people, often possess a huge "treasure" of emotions from resonance. Their sensitivity to good or bad emotions is therefore much higher than that of the average person. They are easily bored with old emotions, always eager to find new and stronger emotions. This is the cause of the lack of fidelity in affection or marriage of people with strong feelings. Sometimes they really don't want a breakdown. They also tried to find ways to hold on, but they couldn't cope forever with their very unpleasant boring feelings. In general, people with strong emotions are very likely to lose to themselves – knowing what not to do but still doing, knowing what to do and still not being able to do.

It is now common to use the word "love" to refer to bodily gratification. It's like love is just that. Throughout the newspapers, people are always especially interested in how to "love" to satisfy both parties. But the actual results show that the more people today know how to sublimate their emotions to the top, the faster they will get bored and abandon each other. It is a very wrong path, wrong from psychology to morality. In the Tale of Kieu, Nguyen Du once reminded: "To love is to love." The word "integrity" means both love and meaning. "Love" is about bringing satisfying emotions; And "meaning" means to bring support and sharing. If we profess to love someone, we have to ask ourselves if we have enough love and meaning. Of course, the new meaning is the material of long-term attachment, and love is very short-lived, but it is indispensable in love. Nguyen Du subtly advised us to have both.

However, people's minds or emotions will also change over time. At a certain age, especially through many ups and downs in life, we will naturally live together for more meaning. But even when we are young and we can do it, put the word in front of the word love and still go peacefully, then surely that affection will shine and be very strong.

If we know whether we are boring or boring, then from now on we should resolve to practice transformation – let go of good emotions and accept bad ones. As soon as we receive any sensation through our senses, we should only recognize the object and sensation, without adding to it our attitude if we feel it is not necessary. A feeling that if you don't add a like or dislike attitude, it won't turn into an emotion. In cases where we are driven by boring energy, try not to believe it is a real emotion and make shallow decisions. We must quickly stop all external struggles and try to create a conducive environment in which we reflect and renew our emotions. In the light of awareness, small demands will dissipate and positive energies such as love or responsibility will be aroused.

Emotions always play quite an important role in expressing feelings and attitudes to life. However, without proper awareness and understanding, it makes us victims of our own suffering. In particular, boredom and betrayal of each other are the most regrettable. Therefore, he who is able to regulate his emotions has the hope of lasting happiness.

Do not chase emotions
Always look at yourself
Having loved, you must understand
the full meaning of love.
Neither high nor low
Neither luxurious nor cowardly
All are mysterious
The dust of life makes us forget.