Transforming Loneliness Through Object Sympathy

The best secret to transforming loneliness is to find your incarnation in all the objects involved in your life.

One of the greatest misfortunes of life is not finding an object who can share and sympathize with us at any time, about secret things or even happy and sad feelings. That state of isolated play is called loneliness.

Whether we are living with family members or there is no shortage of good friends around, there always seems to be invisible walls between them and us. It makes it impossible for both parties to be wholehearted when coming together, so they cannot understand each other. That wall can be personality, hobbies, knowledge, outlook on life or even position in society. But sometimes it's us who own that wall, because we don't trust easily to accept someone whose sincerity we haven't fully seen. I have made it difficult for myself by granting myself a special place, which it takes a brave and well-intentioned person to climb over that fortified wall.

Life is increasingly inclined towards enjoyment, everyone tries to take advantage of accumulating money or strengthening their status to honor their ego, to feel valued, so competition and opposition are always an inevitable consequence. That's why we always live on the defensive. In our opinion, the closer a person is, the more likely they are to take advantage of or destroy us. Since then, our space for freedom has been shrinking, our naturalness and openness have been limited, and the idea of love or mutual aid has become an obsolete and a luxury. Therefore, people have never felt that life is so boring and tasteless as now. The higher you reach the heights of fame, the more you are isolated from everyone; The more things you own, the more alien you are to everything. Paradoxically, while we always seek to live isolated from others or never give people access to us, we always complain that no one understands or is close to us.

But who will understand us when we are still so protective of our egos, especially if we are not yet willing to understand others? If we want others to come to us and understand us, we have to open our hearts to make room for them to participate. As much as we try to love honestly, if we remain conservative, remain unwilling to share and support, and remain vulnerable to narcissism, we have yet to break through our selfish solid walls. Even when we see that love is very salty, everyone is devoted to each other, but when we are separated from each other for a few hours, we immediately fall into empty and lost spaces. Such love is really just an exchange of feelings, reaching out to each other just to help yourself alleviate loneliness. When we don't see each other's true value, the more intertwined we are, the bigger the void in our hearts. Therefore, the more we love, the lonelier we feel.

It is often said: "Loneliness is the home of genius." That's because geniuses often live quietly to explore and create. But the main reason is that they can't find an audience with the same level of awareness to share and empathize with. However, that special prominence is only shown in one field, and in other areas, genius still needs to approach and learn more with people around. Geniuses aren't necessarily perfect or don't need affection. Therefore, geniuses are only truly lonely when they feel that they are extraordinary and everyone else is too mediocre.

For people who experience many failures, it is easy to lose faith in life and in themselves. They always feel like they have no value in the eyes of others. Their inferiority complex also sets them apart from others, making friends with loneliness. In general, when we are entangled in self-esteem or low self-esteem, we feel that we cannot integrate equally with everyone. But we think it's our fate to be lonely.

It's hard to believe that the cause of loneliness is our attitude to life. Upon careful reflection, we will see that it is true. Let's try to open ourselves up to get to know a person. While they can't give us any comfort, they at least give us some experience to build better relationships later on. If we want to have a good friend, let's be a good friend first. Don't count on luck or sit there gnawing at your unfortunate loneliness pitifully. It's an attitude of weakness and failure that shouldn't be. We can overcome it by shrinking unnecessary walls to create a sense of comfort and closeness for everyone around us. Open your heart undiscriminately. In a thousand people we find one anyway.

We also don't rush to find ourselves another satisfactory partner as soon as we've had an emotional failure. When an animal is wounded, it must immediately retreat to the cave to self-medicate. Sometimes it has to stop hunting for a month to lie still and lick its own wounds. If it cannot control its appetite, it will surely be attacked by another beast, or the wound it is carrying will destroy it. Running away from loneliness is also an attitude of refusal to heal one's wounds. Even though we don't have any major wounds from failure, if we feel lonely and unable to stand, it's already a mental illness. It makes it impossible to live deeply and peacefully in reality. Therefore, if we want to become a stable person, we should practice facing our loneliness. We need to understand what it's like and what we really want. In fact, it is loneliness that gives us a valuable opportunity to find ourselves. Because when we sit across from ourselves with a peaceful mood and an attitude of discovery, we find the deep truth about who we are.

Nguyen Du advised, "Can you choose a soulmate one day?" (Tale of Kieu). If you want a soulmate, you cannot "choose" for a short time. You have to be close, touch, share, empathize, accept, yield, let go of bigotry or prejudice, and then respect and love each other, to become soulmates. Although we say "choose" we don't actually have to choose, because soulmates are never objects available to us. From time to time, we meet some people who seem to know us very well from the beginning. They grasp our thoughts or desires very quickly, making us feel like we've known each other for a long time. But actually, it's just because the person is quite intelligent, or because we've exposed our minds too clearly, or because we and they have a lot in common. However, there are many more layers of complex psychology deep inside that must wait for it to manifest. Therefore, no matter how talented we are, we must give way to the power of time. It will take down each other's veils of secrecy.

When we are soulmates, we have to see that the other person is always present in us and that we are always present in them. Because all the love we have given each other is also part of each other's bodies. Buddhism often calls it incarnation. If we don't see each other's incarnations, we still haven't come into contact with the whole—each other's true selves.

Just as in Tan Da's poem Vow of Water, he blames the water for forgetting his vow, so he leaves him forever, causing him to languish in loneliness: "Remember the vow of water/ The water has not left, the young still stand/ Non tall but look forward / The stream is dry with tears waiting for the day". But why he refused to look closely, to see with his immaculate eyes to overcome the old form of water. For now the water has turned into clouds that cover her every day without her even knowing it. And even if the cloud dissipates, it will turn into rain to green the strawberries at the feet of the young – "Do you know it?/ The water that comes out of the tank rains back to the source", "The other water even if you go/ A thousand young lush green strawberries are happy". That bridegroom is also part of the body of water, I don't see it's my fault. Water cannot remain in the same state forever. Because the nature of water is impermanent – constantly changing.

Therefore, the best secret to transforming loneliness is to find your incarnation in all the objects involved in your life. The more we open our hearts to sharing and uplifting others unconditionally, the wider we will see as we are. Loneliness can be the home of genius, but it can also be the prison of those who have not yet positioned themselves in life and always look to the support of life. As long as we have not overcome loneliness, we have not found true peace and happiness. Because happy people are not lonely. Although they were living alone, they always saw that they were all close friends.

Lonely for a moment
Seeing mountains and rivers separated Dew drops on leaves
Shadows
of past lives?
All fade
together Only love stays
What is given today
Will follow each other forever.

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