When we don't understand anger, even if we control it, it's only a temporary solution.
Whenever we get angry, we often assume that the other person is the one who made us angry, as if the anger inside us was brought by them. So we're always looking for ways to retaliate, whether it's at least a word or an action that makes the other person hurt or angry. We think we have to do this to be strong, so that they don't dare to anger us anymore. The truth is that the more we retaliate, the stronger our anger grows and the more exhausting we are. Because when the energy in us is burned, the body constantly releases stimulants adrenaline and cortisol that disrupt the body's biological cycle, especially the heart rate and breathing increase rapidly. We fall into a "temporary coma," seeing everything as wrong, thinking unclearly, and not being able to control all our behavior.
If the previous generation, most recently parents, is angry, it is difficult to escape transmission from chromosomes (DNA). We are also "watered" by their daily speech and actions. The environment in which we grow up and work also contributes significantly to our anger. Indulgence and respect can easily make us get into the habit of wanting anything or wanting to prove our power in front of others, so if we have a little dissatisfaction, we immediately get angry. In addition, we are deeply influenced by the social consciousness, so we always assume that anger is a human instinct to defend ourselves, thanks to which others do not dare to threaten us. We also see it as a way to release our emotions so that we can regain balance when we encounter trouble. But in essence, we failed. We haven't tamed our nature more than we do, we don't know how to express our dissatisfaction more understandingly, and we're making the situation worse.
After every anger, we often feel regret and resentment for our foolish and inferior reactions. We know that every time we get angry is every time we lose our image and degrade our trust in love in the eyes of others, so we tell ourselves not to let our anger manipulate us again. But when there is a contradiction, especially at the expense of rights or honor, anger does not come. At that moment, even if we are reminded by others, reason must stand still and greet our emotions. From failure to failure, we grow to hate our anger. Then sometimes we turn to our parents for making us so miserable.
In fact, if the seed of anger within us is not nourished regularly, it is not enough to make us miserable. We have inadvertently created it from small irregularities in our daily lives that we are unaware of: traffic jams, queuing to buy things, calling relatives who do not pick up the phone, food that does not fit our mouth, the other person forgetting to say hello to the annoyances caused by ourselves such as: Opening the wrong key, drinking water with burns in the mouth, slipping on the stairs, finding the book, reminiscing about the traumatic past If we don't observe and neutralize the smoldering reactions of such things, anger will inevitably form as a natural process. When the source of anger energy is almost default in the mind, even a small unlovely action or unintended circumstance is enough to make it agitated. It will quickly turn into a fury that we ourselves are surprised by.
When we discover that anger is rising and is about to "explode" into words or actions, we quickly find a way to distance ourselves from the object of our anger. Ideally, sit in a quiet room, or take a walk on a shady path. In cases where we can't separate from the situation, let's sit there and try not to say another sentence or word, even if we think it's a satisfactory explanation. Every behavior that occurs in anger will cause us to regret it later. Let's try to forget what the other person has done or said to us, but just focus on the breath to calm the storm of emotions. If we already have the breath tracking skills to focus, we will be gone 15 minutes later. Just like when our house suddenly burns down, we only need to worry about fighting the fire to save the precious possessions inside, not rush to find or punish the person we suspect of burning the house. That "lowers the resolution."
The breath is a very safe fulcrum whenever we are attacked by a storm of emotions that we do not know what to do. However, if we keep using this method, we will never fully understand the nature of our anger. Without understanding anger, we will not be able to transform it forever, will forever be disturbed by it. So, after we've gotten into the habit of looking at ourselves when we're angry, instead of looking for ways to retaliate, we spend more time observing our anger. Observe the progress attentively from the time anger manifests itself to the surface of your consciousness, the urge to act, to the time it dissipates. When we have experience, we discover that anger is not real. It is just a source of energy born from some flaws in the operation of the mental machine: misperception, exaggerated imagination, sharp emotions, unprotected senses. So as long as we maintain the ability to observe that process for a long time, with an attitude of not being prejudiced, we will slowly see clearly what created our anger and easily transform it.
However, the common mistake we make is that we wish we would stop being angry as soon as we start practicing. A habit formed over too long cannot be changed overnight. The process of observing anger can bring unexpected discomfort in the beginning, but over time we get used to it and even feel very interesting like watching an action movie. We just sit there watching our anger like we're leaning back in our chairs watching a movie. In cases of harm to others, we let our anger arise naturally, but differently than we always observe. Of course, anger happens at its own pace and we don't mean to chase it down to quell it. We only observe to understand how it works. Each observation gives us a new insight into the impermanent nature of anger. The misperception in us will then fall. We need to practice patiently to readjust how the mind works, not to suppress or control anger. When we don't understand anger, even if we control it, it's only a temporary solution.
Let's not rush to be satisfied with the initial results, even if we don't get angry as easily as we used to. We can even smile broadly to hear the rebuke of our boss or the careless actions of a colleague. Wait! When we get home, if we are suddenly suspected or judged unjustly by our loved ones, our anger may return immediately. However, we often justify that "there is love to be angry." I think it's okay for people to be, I don't care because they have nothing to do with me. Here, someone who has lived with us for so many years, who always believes in us and is ready to give them everything, and yet they treat us like that, is a very serious insult. But the truth is that we are angry at "attacks" that we have no sense of defense. Because we think that when we are devoted to someone, that person has no right to hurt us.
Asking someone to never make mistakes with us just because we've given them so much is an illusion. Try changing that position and see if we can do that? Life is increasingly stressful, economic difficulties alone are enough to make people lose their souls, so self-neglect and wrong actions are also very common. If we are knowledgeable and stable, we help them to refresh, so that they recognize themselves and the mystery of life that exists. Would I want to throw into them a fiery rage to burn them further? Unless we can't control ourselves, we should never try to pretend to be angry in order for the other party to wake up and act properly again. No one likes to receive heavy and uncomfortable feelings. Even though we know we're guilty and can't protest, they will be tired and dissatisfied. Not being careful, it can sometimes be misinterpreted as merciless punishment, so they will harbor hatred in their hearts and will make the situation worse.
Remember, disturbing emotions are inherently subtle. Without good observation skills, it is difficult to fully detect its operation. Then one day we can't imagine that mad anger suddenly comes out of nowhere like a flood. It's also because we're too subjective to think we're no longer angry, or that we're just pretending to be mean, or trying to perform to win others' hearts, that we don't see the waves of anger that are brewing inside. A little bit each day, the energy of anger crystallizes into a huge mass that people often call introspection. This internal mass governs nearly all of our behavior. It always makes us scowl or pick fights with them, even though they don't do anything to us. As it turns out, we didn't fully understand our obstinate and insufficiently generous mind, even though in our minds we thought it wasn't worth it. That said, understanding all the deep nooks and crannies of the mind is more important than immediately extinguishing an anger.
So as long as we're still so important and we're always trying to cherish our egos, the anger will remain. Meanwhile, love is the "essence" of anger.
Anger is also impermanent
: Sunshine breaks through the mist
, Invite to awakening
The more you look back, the more you hurt.