Understanding the heart - Jealousy

If one becomes the other's guard, that life is different from a prison exile

The nature of love must be one-on-one. My joy is also the joy of the other; The other's suffering is also our suffering. There is no desire of my own that I don't know; There's no hobby of your own that I don't care about. When you and I are married, the two lives are considered one. What happens to one is what happens to the other; The fate of one depends on the fate of the other. "Me and me are two but one"—two bodies blended into one soul, one destiny, then that's really couple love. "I" is our address to others, but also to our spouse in an earnest, affectionate voice. At that very moment we saw the merger of boundaries between the two sides, the separate self overshadowed.

Therefore, in the process of love, we must learn from each other in order to select common things that build a true, lasting happiness. As for the personal ones that are not good, not cute, making the other party endure, we must try to quickly change. Being homogeneous doesn't mean changing them all to become copies of each other. That is consequential, not homogeneous. Oneness is harmony, there is not too much conflict. So, even if we and our partner wish to merge each other's lives into one, in harmony with each other's personalities and ideals, we should never forget that they still have very different things from us. They have their own families, friends, customs, knowledge, comments, feelings, hobbies and ideals. If we want to love, we just ask to be involved in their lives, to accept and to help. It's not that we're trying to push their lives away, to put our lives in and want to be in control.

"I am with me though one but two", this is the inseparable "soul" part of the above verse. According to the traditional Vietnamese way of life, in the principle of couple happiness, we and ourselves are both one and two. "To be one" for the sake of harmonious harmony; "is two" because it wants to move towards free letting go. Letting go means not manipulating or confining each other's lives, giving each other space to breathe, to relax, to harmonize with people and life. This is a huge challenge. Because we often use the name of love to force the object of love into our "ivory tower". I want them to indulge in spoiling me, especially according to my will. They have to be there for me forever, and wherever they go, they have to be under my control. The mind must always be thinking of me and only me. But we are too naïve, because each person's desire for freedom is immense, and the more they are confined, the more they want to escape. Money, power, or lust cannot bind a person's life unless he is entangled in passion. If one becomes the other's squire, that life is different from a prison exile.

That expression shows that we still see that the other person is outside of us, they are not yet a part of us. While the other was not just a flesh-and-blood figure. Everything that the other person has given us from the beginning such as acceptance, love, longing, peace, stability, happiness are the most precious essences that have entered us and contributed to making us who we are today. When we haven't seen the object of love within ourselves, we haven't reached the pinnacle of love — you're me and you're me. This is not subliminal philosophy. It is a very self-evident truth of the principle of sustainable harmony, which obliges every couple who wants to match for life to be thorough. Although it is a process of learning and practice, every day we go in that direction we get closer to each other's beings. I will no longer wriggle around grasping temporary variations. We will have strength in love.

Jealousy is the expression of exhaustion in the view of the essence of the object of love, which will make the mysterious nature of love soon fade away and tasteless. But we hear people often say, "Love is jealousy." This makes sense, too. Because if we don't love, then we don't need to show the attitude of wanting to win the other person. But if we love them so much, why do we make them suffer because of our jealousy? The truth is that we're just loving ourselves. We're mourning the hurt feeling of abandonment, of being devalued in the eyes of the other person. We've seen people who treat their partner very badly, but are determined to hold on to that partner to the end. Because they think that at least the other person is still the safe fulcrum of their lives. Such possessiveness is the end!

Of course, there are seeds of selfishness in everyone's mind and married life must have firm commitments. But if we allow it to turn into too much energy to overwhelm all meanings, love will easily break and break. The essence of love must always be voluntary. When the other person gets out of us and they breathe a sigh of relief, it shows that their feelings for us are very reluctant, just out of duty or responsibility. A little subtle jealousy can make the other person awake and happy, because they find themselves still loved. But if we let it become a chronic fever or an undirected hurricane, it makes the other person very tired, frustrated, and depressed. They recognize the tiny space I've given them, and my most degrading reactions while taking them home and punishing them.

I'm not a child, every time I lose my part, I squeal or smash it. Jealousy makes us more insignificant and ugly, because it reveals our instincts for self-defense. Take a calm look at the other person's life and ourselves. If you see that everyone is still immersed in heartlessness because they drift with life, it is difficult to blame why they do not master the momentary superficial emotions. Sometimes they love us very much and value our home. But once their energy breaks down and we are constantly demanding or diminishing, and an external partner is always willing to donate, betrayal is very likely. They are also victims of their own feelings of weakness and greed. If we are truly loving, let's try to find a way to bring them back to their lovely self. Crying and punishment only make them think we are strengthening their "prison." The possibility of returning will not be difficult, if they realize that the path we open for them is really safe and warm.

In fact, we're also pitiful victims of our own emotions, so we need help too. Don't out of narcissism try to avoid the truth: "Am I jealous? Who do you think you are that I should be jealous of!" If we've exhausted ourselves and still can't transform the storm of jealousy that is raging inside us and about to overflow, ask the other person for a hand. Write a card telling us that we are suffering from jealousy, please help us get rid of that toxic energy. The other, a man of understanding and compassion, could not refuse such a sincere request. When they are willing to come back to help, ask them to tell us what we should or should not do to be more loving. Remember not to resort to "humiliation" to move compassion or bite their conscience. That solution is momentarily effective, but it shows our inferiority and makes them contemptuous of recognizing the truth. Later, they won't be easily shaken by all our reactions. Things are no longer difficult and complicated when we put it in broad view and long enough to look at it thoroughly. Patience is a testimony of love.

There are hundreds of arts to capture the human heart, and we don't have to resort to jealousy to try to bind each other. It damages trust and mutual respect, so the more we try to love, the more exhausted we are. Sometimes we don't grasp it all; Sometimes we want to grasp it all but we don't know anything.

That's the secret of life. Whoever gets this key will become a powerful master in the garden of love.

He is still in me
As I am forever in him
A little jealousy of weakness Making
love embryo.
Be present for him
With all in me
This moment of awakening
With unquenched love.

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