The Impact of External Distractions on Mental State
Mistakes made by our minds must come from where our own minds change without any supreme external force that can help us change.
When we are still engrossed in chasing external objects of attraction, our minds will inevitably remain dominated and controlled. Therefore, the opportunity to live consciously to always be in control of your behavior will also be limited, and making clumsiness and mistakes will also be difficult to avoid. Of course, if he is not a saint, then no one is without mistakes. But don't give ourselves the right to make mistakes at our own convenience, regardless of the consequences for ourselves or the impact on those around us. Overcoming and taking responsibility for what you've done is something that needs to be done. However, it is the attitude of repentance of these mistakes and the determination to transform so as not to repeat them that is truly the most important act of the offender. That attitude is penance.
Often, whenever we realize we've made a mistake, we rush to our victim to confess or do something to atone for it. We assume it's politeness or a sense of responsibility. But for what purpose do we do this? It seems that we are just urgently trying to compensate the other person for good feelings, because we have accidentally brought them bad feelings, with the expectation that they will not be angry and underestimate or reduce their sympathy for us. If we bring the other person a good feeling, and at the same time we want to receive a good feeling in return, it's just an exchange. This act of apologizing is also for one's own sake, not really wanting to heal the wound in the other person's heart. That's why observant people often don't easily accept insincere apologies, or intentions that only make them happy. That apologetic attitude sometimes deepens their wounds. Because according to the law of emotional balance, they have just received a bad emotion brought by us, now they have to try to create a good emotion for us with a forgiving and cheerful attitude, they are clearly too disadvantaged.
Before we want to show repentance, we should ask ourselves if we really saw the mistake and why we were behaving so badly. We don't try to perform with touching performances in hopes of restoring our noble values in the eyes of others, because then we only continue to spoil our hearts. "Sorry" doesn't mean asking the other person not to be angry or hate us. It must be an attitude of repentance – to take back your wrong words or deeds and take full responsibility for them. So, when we don't really feel wrong, we don't want to take responsibility, we shouldn't rush to apologize. Worst of all, we try to apologize just because someone advises us, or because we know the other person is looking forward to our apology. Unless we know that they are very angry and distressed, we are willing to apologize for them first. However, we should also honestly let them know right now that we haven't seen where we're wrong. Please point me the blame, or I promise to take a good look at myself and talk to them as soon as possible.
If apologizing is the object-oriented act of healing the wounds in another person's heart, then repentance is the attitude of returning to healing the fault in one's own heart. Of course, depending on the situation, we should take action first, but returning to repentance to ourselves and then apologizing to others is still the best solution. Repentance must have two characteristics: repentance for the mistake made and the determination not to repeat it again. Both of these factors are very important and closely related. If we do not truly repent, we will never have the determination to change; And if we don't have the determination to change, that repentance is only a momentary emotion to soothe our wounds. Changing oneself so as not to repeat one's mistakes is much harder than expressing repentance, because changing oneself means breaking one's disturbing problems.
Remember, transforming disturbing emotions is different from suppressing disturbing emotions. To stop disturbing emotions, we just need to constantly remind ourselves and then use our strong willpower to be ready to suppress them whenever they arise. This is only a temporary solution, because when we neglect or our abilities are weak, it will come back immediately. In order to transform disturbing emotions, we need to meet three conditions. First, we need to clearly identify which side of the disturbing emotion caused us to make the mistake. Second, there must be the right and specific method to cure it. Third, there must be strong determination to be ready to give every priority to this transformation. In addition, there is another condition that is quite important in the process of penance, which is not to be impatient to transform early in order to present to the other person your newness. This attitude will cause us to put more pressure on ourselves and inaccurately assess our level of metabolism. The other person certainly won't be angry when he knows we're trying to correct ourselves. Because self-improvement is the most valuable act of apology to redeem all mistakes.
The common mentality of most people when making mistakes is always wanting to find a way to save the situation. Although we try to think that we are responsible for the wrongs we have committed, the truth in our hearts is the desire to reaffirm our worth. I want to let the other person know that I'm not that bad, that this shallow act was just a momentary mistake. Whether that act of responsibility has truly healed the wounds in the other person's heart, or helped us regain our form in their eyes, the flaw in our hearts remains intact. We should have been more concerned with changing the "root" part than urgently addressing the "top" part. Because if we haven't seen our disturbing emotions in order to truly transform, we will either repeat the same mistake to that person or make other mistakes with another person.
Buddhism always asserts that "Turning is the shore." When we truly abandon the path of darkness to embark on the path of light, transformation begins to occur. If we keep moving forward on that journey, we will eventually reach enlightenment. So "turning is the shore" doesn't mean that we've just regained consciousness that we'll become enlightened immediately. But it is only a word of encouragement for those who, once turned around, will one day reach the shore. Although we have foolishly made terrible mistakes, with the determination to change and have a truly right path, those disturbing marks will also be washed away and dissolved. We can still return to the healthy and pure self of old. Of course, the toxic energy we have created so much cannot be easily wiped out, especially when it has left a deep wound in the other person's heart. But with the peaceful energy born of sincere repentance and the positive daily act of transformation, we can still gradually neutralize those toxic energies. Even if we have to suffer retribution, that is, to pay an emotional debt, we are still strong enough and happy to accept it. Because it's not as burdensome as it was at first, especially because of the kind-minded attitude that grows in us.
The most frightening thing is that we can never repent. This attitude opens us up to many opportunities to destroy or destroy ourselves and those around us. Young people now often declare very eloquently: "I never regret what I have done." Sounds very confident and brave. It's as if regret is an evil attitude, because we've acknowledged our immaturity and revealed our weakness. The truth is that the more heartless we are or the more we deliberately evade responsibility, the worse we make our situation and make us weaker. No one dares to build a serious or lasting relationship with someone who doesn't take responsibility for themselves. But most importantly, when we've made a mistake, our psychological mechanisms have gone wrong somewhere. Maybe our perceptions are wrong, or the seeds of our disturbing emotions have become aroused and are forming a habit or character. That wound will not stop tormenting me. It will also turn into a great impediment that prevents auspicious energies from arising.
Although repentance is the act of returning to readjust one's mind, it also needs to be done as a ritual. The dignified form will make it easier to pay attention and properly show the attitude of wanting to return to change. We should choose a very quiet space and spend a lot of time looking at ourselves. Try to look at your whole body and mind with an attitude of not being prejudiced, to understand deeply and then seek to transform. Don't get too emotional and blame or get angry with yourself. Tormenting ourselves is also sometimes a form of ego enhancement, because we don't want to accept that our weaknesses belong to us. And if we keep shunning and hating ourselves, how can we fully comprehend the weaknesses or the deep nooks and crannies of our minds? Without understanding, it is not possible to transform.
We can also repent by writing letters to ourselves. This method is simple but brings very unexpected results. First, we should sit down very quietly, monitor our breathing for about 15 minutes to calm our thoughts. We should also choose a quiet space and spend a lot of time writing a letter that is as valuable as we are writing to a precious audience. I just call it my most intimate name. I ask myself why have we lived and behaved towards people this way in the past time? Meditate to find the best answer and write it down honestly. Then we also make a promise to try to live more deeply so that we don't repeat those unfortunate mistakes again. This letter should be placed in a close place so that we can regularly take it out and read it again. Every time we read a letter, we look back at our hearts. Such a letter writing will help us to specifically enumerate and deeply analyze our attitude to life. That letter can also be considered my heart sutra.
In the Vietnamese cultural tradition, there is a very common method of penance, which is to reach out to the object of your trust and respect the most to express repentance. They can be relatives living next door, or they can be deceased ancestors. Whenever our feelings of repentance are too strong for us to stand, or at times when we need spiritual support in the moment of formal transformation, we should have an object to lean on and prove. This is the attitude of rescuing our psychology, not letting it fall into a stalemate, not the attitude of avoiding reality. In cases where the object of refuge is a spiritual ancestor or a blood ancestor, we can also come before the altar to sincerely burn incense, confide and kneel.
When we prostrate, we must allow our whole body and especially our heads to bow to the ground for a long time to show our prostration to the wonderful examples of our ancestors, especially to the earth. Earth is also my ancestor, a loving mother who always embraces everything dirty in this world. Let ourselves go underground so that we learn the virtues of the earth, so that we learn to open our hearts to all circumstances and objects without comparison or discrimination. Because many mistakes or sufferings are also caused by too big an ego. Therefore, turning to another object is only to reflect our minds, not to rely or beg. Because mistakes made by our minds must come from where our own minds change without any supreme external force that can help us change. We should realize that mistakes, no matter how great, are only temporary psychological phenomena, they are not our whole being. We don't identify with these weaknesses and lose faith in ourselves or guilt. However, if we are not determined to transform all these mistakes and still let them manipulate all our thoughts and actions, we will never find our true self. We will live forever in the covers of our disturbing emotions. It was the most unfortunate thing in life.
Sow yourself into the great land, Let go of the crazy
self,
Ask for arbitrary
virtue, Support all souls.
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