Understanding the heart
Forgiveness is always a spiritual medicine that can cure all the suffering and pain of the forgiven and the forgiven.
In the principle of love, it is required that one side must be able to love and the other side must be truly loving. If the other party has lost its loveliness, i.e. they have withdrawn themselves from the desire to be loved, then of course it is impossible to demand that the level of love of this party be fixed. However, the fault is not entirely with the other party. If the love on this side is sincere, strong and shining enough, it will guide and support the object of our love to fly together. So when you both try to build up, one side tries to rise up and the other side wholeheartedly supports, that affection will never be broken.
We know that the greatest flaw of modern civilization is that it keeps people too busy. We no longer have time to rest and enjoy the mysterious values around us, let alone have the strength to look at ourselves and transform our negative energies. We are always stressed, tired and full of anxiety about the future. Once our energy wanes, it is difficult for us to control our thoughts or actions. An uncute word, or gesture that accidentally breaks another person's heart is very easy to happen. If we are unfortunate enough to encounter great adversities that cause our energy to be depleted, our disturbing emotions will inevitably overflow. Greed, anger, and delusion are energies that are always in the mind once we lose the ability to observe, nurture reason and lose touch with life. Mistakes often arise from that.
Of course, not everyone who lives in an environment with too much bad energy becomes a bad person. It depends on the intelligence and bravery of each person. But a child who grows up in poverty, whose family is separated, who has never been to school, who has to regularly live with rude people to rely on and find a livelihood, it is difficult to expect that child to always be gentle or honest. Another child grew up in material conditions, but his parents were so busy getting rich that they didn't have time to get close to and understand him. They even often quarrel and show deceitful things in front of me. Then they compensate for the responsibility of teaching by pushing him into prestigious schools, or indulging in all his demands. So how do you feel responsible, or yield and respect others?
When you hear that a boy brought a knife into the school and threatened to kill a teacher, or that a girl beat her friend badly and then filmed it online, who is not outraged? I think it's immoral. I want those students to be punished properly. But if I put all the blame on your shoulders, how can you bear it. You will fall and lose your future, and then you will lose your younger siblings who will follow you into the future. I was a foolish kid who always wanted to grow up quickly, but because I was mentally unprepared, I fell. Rather, family and school should be the most ideal environment to help children understand themselves and nurture their ideals. But parents only want their children to succeed in school, the school only expects students to excel, not to expect or invest in their morals. Education cannot succeed through individual effort alone. And if the two environments that are considered the most nourishing for a child to come into life but also turn away from responsibility, who will help those children return to society, to themselves? Are we hoping for re-education camps? Punishment is the lowest solution in education. We see the fact that only a very few have the energy to go back. The rest have lost all faith in life, so they are ready to give up and sink into the old quagmire.
Before we blame those foolish siblings, let us ask ourselves what we have done for them. Or do we think it's not our responsibility to stand on the sidelines to condemn, accuse and alienate? We adults still have a lot of clumsiness and mistakes. Even if others don't know or expose it, we can't claim to be pure and arbitrarily put evil labels on others' heads. In the Gospel, Jesus reminds, "Whoever finds himself not guilty should throw stones at this woman first." Give the other person a chance to transform, because that is also how we give ourselves a way out in the future. Life that is still immersed in inattention is inevitable with involuntary behavior. We need to forgive and help each other through difficulties, not sit there demanding that others always be perfect for us.
Assuming the difficulty of the other person is about one gauntlet and the capacity of our hearts is one and a half cast iron, it is considered that they are contained. But if the other person's difficulty is one and a half or two cast irons, it is imperative that we try to open our hearts beyond that difficulty. If we have tried our best and our hearts have only expanded to the level of the other person's difficulty, the support will fail. Even so, the other person still feels and deeply imprints our love. For there is no greater love when it is made up of letting go of one's most basic needs for enjoyment. In addition, it must overcome the pressures of surrounding circumstances, to help its beloved object awaken and move forward. That love only comes from sincerity and willingness, not in the agreement or expectations of the other party. Forgiveness is the pinnacle of love.
If we are calm and observant, we always realize that the person who made the mistake is the poorest victim. They may hurt us momentarily, but the energy of anger or psychological stalemate will surround and torment them every moment. The more stubborn and unapologetic they appear, the more pitiful they are. Because they do not know when they will wake up so that they can establish for themselves a stable peaceful and happy life. They both lose faith in themselves, are afraid of neglect by their loved ones, do not know how to deal with the breakdown caused by themselves, and worry about where the future will go, so they are often very confused and need help. They know they are in no position to ask for anything more, because I used to love them wholeheartedly. So they can only count on love—the gift of affection without thinking, without relying on fairness, without reciprocation from the heart of a generous person.
Once we realize that this is a more pitiful person than to blame, we no longer want to push that difficulty away from us. That is, we've accepted the parts that aren't as cute as we've embraced their cute parts. The remaining question is how can we contain that suffering so easily when our hearts are not big enough? We desperately want to forgive but we still can't forgive, our hearts cringe every time we think of their corruption or betrayal. If we think that forgiveness is an easy thing to do, with a little effort, we are wrong. Because we used to cling to rigid principles, always demanding the perfection of others, entangled in the emotion of wanting to be respected, always seeing ourselves as more contributing, not in the habit of being disadvantaged or devoted to others, it will be very difficult for our hearts to expand. We must be able to tidy away our needs to satisfy our selfishness in order for our hearts to have room to contain others. Remember, the more selfish, the more unaltruistic it is. Because selfishness is the impediment of altruism.
In the Zen tradition there are two ways to teach students: uy and grace. Authority means power, the power that radiates from dignified behavior and maintaining decency, not from yelling at others. And grace is love, the devotion to help when the other person is weak or the generous heart when they make mistakes, not because we love to the point of being entangled but have love. In fact, the prestige is also the grace, because that prestige helps them stay awake and try to improve, so they are very grateful. And the grace is also the grace, because that grace helps them wholeheartedly, unconditionally, so they always secretly respect. Like understanding and love, prestige and grace are never separated, even if sometimes one of them is more expressed.
Every time we use prestige or grace, we have to be very careful. Sometimes we think that we have to do this for them to wake up, to be afraid to do it again, but the truth is that deep down we are very angry and want to punish. Or sometimes we find the other person too pitiful to be sheltered and comforted rather than reprimanded, but we're actually afraid that the other person hates us or doesn't like us anymore. The other person is in distress and needs help and we interfere with our rights, and that forgiveness is no longer genuine. When we know that this mistake is too big for a moment to be considered as if it never happened, we should try to swallow our tears inward to try to accept and help the other person a way. Or knowing your heart aches, it will take a while to accept and transform. I even have to admit to them that my heart is only so open. All these actions are love, true forgiveness.
Although we are not saints to be willing to forgive all human faults, if our hearts have the capacity to hold them, do not think any more, forgive each other. Forgiveness is always a spiritual medicine that can cure all the suffering and pain of the forgiven and the forgiven. It is better to forgive mistakes than to miss. If we realize that it was our obstinate and narrow-minded attitude that inadvertently pushed the other person to the bottom of the abyss, we will regret it for life. When we discover that our decision to forgive hasn't worked, we still have many opportunities for redemption. When the heart is in a state of dilation and getting stronger, the heart has found the right direction of happiness. The scariest thing in the process of love is that we allow our hearts to shrink, to be weak, to have no sacred material left ready to vibrate with the cries of life.
Musician Trinh Cong Son also once believed absolutely in the miraculous transformation of the human heart: "The heart gives us a place to take refuge / Forget many days and days" (Let's love each other).
Be present for him
With all in me
This moment of awakening
With unquenched love.